Thursday, May 30, 2013

Walk It Off

As a kid, I had poor critical thinking skills and rarely considered the consequences to my actions. When I was six, I spent half an hour spitting into a dime store squirt gun, and then for some inexplicable reason, squirted it back into my own mouth. I became so nauseated afterword that I threw up in the parking lot of a Safeway. Honestly I'm gagging just remembering it.

squirtgun

I'm not sure what my thought process was with that one. I actually can't even begin to explain why I thought it would be a fun idea, but then again I don't know why I did most things.

In third grade, my antics started to land me in trouble. I had a habit of disrupting class, especially during science. I couldn't be bothered to learn the difference between herbivores and carnivores, or what caused rain. In my mind, "rain is magic" was a suitable answer for weather patterns, and I spent most of the daily science lessons drawing pictures and quietly passing them to the girl who sat next to me in class, Lee Sugars.

I had a crush on Lee, but I also hated her guts, and I think the feeling was mutual. As a result, every note I passed her was either mean, or disgusting, or both.

pigdick

I had a tendency to take whatever recent lesson was being taught and turn it into an inappropriate doodle: Helen Keller with giant torpedo boobs, two Martin Luther Kings making out (sometimes with torpedo boobs of their own), and so on. Because of this, my teacher Mrs. Bateson hated me. She sent me to the principal's office literally every week, and even though I usually deserved it, I still felt like a child martyr and detested Mrs. Bateson for what I deemed to be unfair prosecution.

She also looked like a thumb, which only added to my dislike of her.

Mrs. Bateson finally drew the line in October that year. The class was making jack-o-lanterns out of construction paper and she'd put on a CD of Halloween sound effects—rattling chains, crackling thunder, yowling cats and the like. When Derek Stevens got squeamish at the sound of beating hearts and nervously asked Mrs. Bateson to turn the CD off, I loudly told him to "quit being a pussy."

In my defense, I didn't even know what a pussy was. I barely knew what a vagina was, let alone its noms de guerre. Hell, I still thought girls peed out their butts. I thought "pussy" was a gently mocking term, synonymous with "wimp" or "wuss," so I was baffled when Mrs. Bateson lost her shit over it.

mrsthumb

I wasn't sure how to respond. I truly didn't know what was so offensive about what I'd said, but Mrs. Bateson wasn't having it. At recess, she made me stay behind to discuss my behavior.

"Adam, you can't use that word," she told me. "It's not a nice word."

"Yeah, ok, sorry, I won't do it again. Now can I go? I can hear them starting foursquare and—"

"We have to discuss your punishment." I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciouly. There was a field trip scheduled that afternoon to tour the Hancock Ice Cream Factory, and everyone in class was excited for the ice cream we'd inevitably get at the end of the tour. I was nervous my punishment might involve the field trip. Mrs Bateson continued, "I think it's only fair that during the field trip this afternoon, you shouldn't be rewarded with ice cream like everyone else."

I couldn't muster any words, I could only stare at Mrs. Bateson, who herself seemed unfazed. I could almost make out the hint of a smile on her thumb-face.

noicecream

I knew from experience that I couldn't argue with her. I pouted through lunch, scowled through the van ride to the ice cream factory, and lingered in the back of the group frowning while a cheery, elderly woman in an apron pandered to us about how interesting the history of ice cream was.

icecreamlady

At the end of the tour the cheery lady handed out cones to everyone—except for me, of course. Mrs. Bateson took the ice cream lady aside and explained that I was a demon child and didn't deserve treats, so I was forced to watch everyone else enjoy ice cream around me. I was stewing in disgruntled self pity when Lee Sugars sauntered up to me, a cheshire cat grin plastered across her face.

"You can have my cone, Adam," she said sweetly." I don't even like ice cream." I gave her a cautious side-eye, but my gluttony overtook me and I accepted her offer.

My tongue had barely touched the chilly sweetness of Huckleberry ice cream when Lee turned away from me and hollered to Mrs. Bateson.

tookit

Mrs. Bateson turned and shot daggers at me with her eyes.

discuss

As the group was ushered out into the parking lot, I leaned in and whispered into Lee's ear.

endyou

During the van ride back I kept my eyes fixed on Lee, willing her to spontaneously burst into flames. I fantasized about the van crashing into a semi truck of toxic waste, which would spill on Lee and burn her skin off. The entire time, she grinned back at me like a smug weasel.

When we arrived back at school and one of the chaperones opened the van's sliding door, I unbuckled my seatbelt and angled toward Lee before hopping out of the vehicle. "This isn't over," I told her. She glared back at me, her stare icy. I shifted away and scooted across the seat but before I could hop down to the sidewalk, I felt a forceful pair of hands on my back and before I knew it I was flying out of my seat. I hardly registered that Lee had pushed me—I was falling, face first, toward the pavement. It was only a few feet, but to a child it seemed an eternity. Time seemed to slow as I careened toward the concrete.

falling

I landed on the right side of my forehead. The sound from inside my own skull was sickening, like having your head inside ceramic vase and someone whacking it with a hammer, except my head was the vase and the earth was the hammer. After the collision I remember little. Chaperones clamored around me, kids murmured and were shooed away. The aftermath is a blur, but I recall being seated in the nurse's office, a kindly young redheaded nurse holding a bag of ice to my forehead, and myself screaming and screaming with tears running down my face.

In retrospect, I don't accurately remember the pain, just shrieking nonstop like I was dying because the pain was so severe. "Your mom will be here at 3:30," the nurse told me. "Just try to calm down until then." I glanced at the the clock. It was only 2:30. I could see the principal in his office. He was talking to someone on the phone, laughing jovially like nothing was wrong. Why was nobody worried about my injury? Why wasn't I in the hospital? I might've had a concussion, or maybe cerebral edema. There might be internal bleeding!

I thought of Mrs. Bateson, up in room 227, chuckling to herself that her least favorite student was downstairs dying from massive head trauma.

laughingthumb

Nobody took things seriously in the 90's. Teachers didn't need to worry about their shortcomings being captured on camera phones and uploaded on YouTube. Kids were too busy huffing scented markers to notice they were being neglected by their caretakers. It was no wonder the administration couldn't care less. If they just kept me contained until the end of the school day, I'd be my mom's problem.

When my mother did arrive to pick me up, I barely noticed because I was too busy howling.

screaming

The office aide told my mom that I'd fallen out of the van, even though I'd spent the last hour screaming that Lee Sugars had shoved me.

I probably should have gone to the hospital, but like I said, it was the 90's. This was before Gwyneth Paltrow taught us that bread is poison, before we knew measles vaccinations caused children to mutate into lizard monsters.

The next day, I had a big bump on my forehead where I'd landed. The swelling went down, but the bump never disappeared completely. It actually changed the shape of my skull slightly, and the lump can still be felt.

I feel like that bears repeating. I'm 26, and I still have a bump on my head from when I fell out of a van eighteen years ago.

Is it too late to sue? What's Gloria Allred's email? I'm assuming it's xXxKoRnFan69xXx@hotmail.com.

136 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Really? people still write "first"? I thought that died out in 2005.

      Delete
    2. Wow, look at that conforming to shitty standard to just comment "first". Maybe I should congratulate you if that's all your special little brain could muster up in it's excitement of being... first.

      Delete
    3. People still have to call people out for writing "first"? I thought that died out in 2006. Wow I can't believe people conform to having to calling people out. Maybe I should congratulate you on being a douche

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    4. STOP FIGHTING YOU GUYS OR I'M STOPPING THIS VAN AND PUSHING YOU ALL OUT ON YOUR HEADS

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    5. and you're not getting any ice cream either :D

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    6. HE'S A GROWN ASS MAN

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    7. I don't think calling him an ass man is very nice. Even a grown one. Grown where? That's weird.

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    8. TreeHairedGingerAleMay 31, 2013 at 9:46 PM

      Why, grown in the finest Californian orchards, of course!

      Amongst the mighty sequioas, Pepperidge Farms maintains acre upon acre of proud, old-fashioned Ass trees: the round, firm hindquarters ripening in the summer sun.

      Do you remember when Mom bought baskets of savory, hand-picked, grown ass men to the Sunday dinner table? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

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    9. That made my day. Thank you

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  2. But no, twas a good read as always. Many lol's were had during my poop.

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  3. You got your revenge though, right?

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    Replies
    1. This is a very good question! Inquiring minds need to know, what happened to Sugars?!?!

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  4. I feel your pain.
    I have a crack in my skull along the right side that also changed the shape of my head and has never gone away.
    I have only myself to blame, though, as I did it to myself one day when I was simultaneously feeding the dogs and talking on the phone with my garage door only half way down. I turned around and slammed my head into the garage door that I hadn't put all the way up.
    Yep. Then I was too cheap to even go to the hospital, and to this day I am still walking around. If there was damage, it was not enough for anyone to notice.
    The moral of the story is: we are slightly irregular, imperfect, walking miracles. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Nooooo.. The moral of the story is go to the fucking hospital, you have a crack in your skull, wtf!

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    2. I was in a car accident and hit my head on the windshield. No I was stupid and wasn't wearing my seat belt. I still have a bump where I hit and when ever I happen to hit my forehead, it is always on the same spot as it sticks out. Moral of that story is wear your seat belt you idiot!!! And I do!

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    3. I dropped 70 pounds on my thumb from a foot above it. It is still in much pain, and there are 3 needles sticking out of where the thumbnail used to be.

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  5. Genius! This is pure comedic genius!

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  6. But...but...how did you get your REVENGE?!?! Sweet, sweet ice-creamy revenge...

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  7. So was Mrs Bateson always naked? :D Sorry about your head, though.

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    Replies
    1. Honestly I tried to draw clothes on her and it just didn't look right.

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    2. Fair point :))

      Brilliant post, as always. Hats off :)

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  8. and I thought i was the only person who read these while pooing.

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  9. Oh Adam, you're stories never cease to make me laugh, cry, laugh more then contemplate starting my own blog. I think we could be friends.

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  10. All I want to know is, did you get revenge!!!???

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  11. I love little-Adam stories! This was hilarious, as always.

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  12. Did you ever get revenge????? We need to know what kind of vengeance you ensued on Lee!!

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  13. You should look up Lee Sugars now and remind her of her not so sweet actions. Then hang up and let the guilt eat her flesh.

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    Replies
    1. Oh mygod. That is despicable. I love it.

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  14. Is there a particular reason the ice cream lady looked like the love child of Mojo Jojo from PowerPuff Girls and Dr. Scratchansniff from Animaniacs? I feel if researched you might have a deep-seated hatred for them all or at least the same feeling of rejection. Ya' know, just wondering.

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  15. Kind of hoping that Lee girl finds this blog entry and comments something insane.

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  16. Man, school girls can be so mean. When I was younger (Probably 9?) and girl and I were standing facing each other in the aisle of a bus to take us home from the Boys & Girls Club, where I was undoubtedly being a dick, and she punched me in the nose.

    I blame her every time my nose bleeds when it's hit.

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  17. Ah, yes the nineties. I still have scars on my knee from where I fell down some brick steps. I think my parents just sprayed some antiseptic on it and called it a day.

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    Replies
    1. I still have a scar on the back of my head from jumping on the bed under a ceiling fan. I'm sure my mom just washed it with a damp washcloth and then made me play outside.

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    2. That's ok, at least it wasn't the 80s where when I got injured (including breaking my thumb at school) it was usually greeted with "Well I bet you won't do that again."

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  18. **The aftermath it a blur,

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  19. That Lee girl sounds just like all the "popular" girls from the 90's. I am guessing she was a Hanson/N'sync/Backstreet boys fan. They were always the worst.

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    Replies
    1. Hey, the Backstreet Boys were cool :(

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  20. Could've been worse. I had to have two knee surgeries after falling out of a van and I didn't even get pushed. I just had foam shoes and it was raining. And I too have a feature formed by trauma after my brother punched me in the leg. There's a dip in my shin.

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  21. I also have a bump on my forehead... no one knows how or why. Probably arrived on the day I rode over a brick in the garden and went hurtling toward what I assumed would be my death. And you're right- falling takes FOREVER when you are a kid. And it always happens in slow motion.

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  22. I have a dent in my forehead from smacking my head off a metal beam while trying to rescue a cat (no really) when I was 12. Gashed my head, and walked over to my mother (cat safely cradled in arms) who was screaming bloody murder as blood poured into my eye. My reaction? "Is it that bad?" I was one tough lil chick! *flex*

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  23. You must have revenge! Track down that little monster of a woman. Push her down some stairs or something and shout "That was for young me!"

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  24. I am pretty sure you are the male version of me. I have a perma-bump on my head too! only mines from riding down the stairs in a sleeping bag. I got a broken nose, a concussion and a perma-bump that my little sister likes to point out.

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  25. Hey Adam,I try to imagine you finding it by chance in a supermarket and Lee playing all women-box in her face.

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  26. is there like, a sequel about lee getting her uppence? because I would read the shit out of that.

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  27. Woah, this story reminded me of my experience 15 years ago. I was in 4th grade. And I had a severe head trauma because of my classmate. It was not as this one, intentional, but more of a bump in school corridor that ended quite badly for me and just a bruise or a bump for my classmate.
    What is so similar is that it's so true that in 90's school services, teachers, nurses was soooo lame, uncaring and dumb. Ok, from the start (if you're interested ;)) We (me and my classmate) accidentally crushed our foreheads while running in the corridor during break, then I lost my balance, bumped into a wall and fell hardly on the floor. I remember till now how my vision got pretty interesting, all things looked like framed in ink that fills up little by little if you don't shake your head occasionally. At first nobody even lead me to nurse office. I think I sat through mathematics with that funny vision, then I got nausea and started to throw up every 10-15 min., when I got to nursery, the nurse gave me a meat cutlet and said that I feel weak because I should eat more! When my homeroom teacher made me go to next class that was physical education, I remember that I could barely walk straight and now those dumb teachers made me run circles. Well at least they could not ignore my throwing up routine, so it ended that they called my sister (she was in grade 8) and send us home. My mom got a sixth sense when their children are in trouble so magically she called just at the time we got back. Of course she called an ambulance instantly. And guess what? I spent my whole summer in hospital because that WAS a severe head trauma. Doctors were even afraid for swallowing inside my head. Medicine, injections... I remember they said that if I ever had any more of head traumas it could not end so luckily.
    But seriously, what was teachers ad the nurse was thinking?! And during summer nor teacher nor the classmate that was the reason of my trauma came to visit. D:
    Basically that made me hate school.

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  28. Actually, that email address belongs to my ex husband...
    Maybe he will reply to you (after he gets out of jail).

    ReplyDelete
  29. We got to know about your revenge

    ReplyDelete
  30. I pre-ordered your book at Barnes and Noble in November. The lady at the desk teased me. This had BETTER be worth it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that was rude and none of her business..

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    2. I betcha the lady at the desk was Lee Sugars.

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  31. Truly amazing story. I'm impressed at your memory. I barely remember anything from that age, and you remember everything down to the thumbiness of your teacher! I have a permanent skull change from the time I ran into another person, thus breaking my nose. It was special. And now my nose is crooked forever.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha, thumbiness..
      I agree though, I don't remember anything from my childhood.

      Delete
  32. Did you get your revenge, though? I need to know! Also, I tried to look her up on facebook, just to see what she looks like, but she doesn't seem to exist :(

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  33. lol at the people who want to know more about the revenge. than adam skull xD

    world is really that cruel !!!

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  35. I just can't believe you weren't allowed any ice cream... On a field trip that is only about ice cream. That was pretty damn cruel actually.

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  36. You were the kid I wanted to be friends with in elementary school.

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  37. I wonder where Lee Sugars is and if she's reading this :3

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  38. So we finally get to hear the story about the bump in your skull! =)
    That's the worst punishment I could imagine. Reminds me of the time I kept giving the finger to the kids in my class because I didn't believe them when they told me it was a bad thing to do. Or when I got suspended for hitting a lunch lady... I think we would have made good childhood friends.

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  39. This was fantastic. I'm pretty sure that I still have a dent in my forehead from hitting it on a ceramic soap dish in the shower when I was 11. It went away, but if you touch it, you can feel a slight dip in the skin.

    ReplyDelete
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  41. I also did the spit gun thing.
    Kids are gross lol

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  44. Me and my sister were jumping on our parents bed, when my sister pushed me and i fell onto a corner of a nighstand. i can still feel a slight dent in my head. She asked me never to tell, and I didn't because she was my best friend and I didn't want her to hate me.... The things we do when we're little and invincible...smh

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  45. When I was five, I was dancing around the living room when I slipped. And fell into the very sharp corner of the coffee table. I assume I hit my zygomatic bone(#biomajorswag) close to my eye. There's a dent in the bone that isn't there on the other side, and it has been there for fourteen years . The dent looks like a dimple, and people compliment it, and I'm all this is a dent in my bone but thanks any way.

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  46. Sweet Jesus, the face you drew of your child self :( while the old lady went on about ice cream is the most beautiful thing, ever.

    ReplyDelete
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  48. I have a very similar story and I also grew up in Montana. I kind of presume the not caring thing was pretty common there in the 90's.

    I have two bumps on my head now that feels like satan is lingering beneath the skin and ready to jump out when I hit some magical age. One is from biffing it face first down a very big hill then having my bike land on my head. The other one is from standing on a desk, trying to impress a boy I liked and instead slipped and looked like a total moron.

    At least you had more class then me; actually screeching in agony.

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  49. I have no idea why but I couldn't stop staring at the mrs. Piggy picture and now I'm traumatized

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  50. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  51. Dear God I want to see the drawn version of all the muppets now especially Animal.

    Is that wrong?

    Please tell me that you hit puberty and turned Lee down when she inevitably flirted with you! (or used her and then forced her hand to your bump and said FEEL THAT!?!)

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  52. I busted my head open twice as a child and have both scars and a little indention. Then I saw a special on the science channel of kids who had done the same but emerged savants. Never have I felt so cheated. Thought I'd share.

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  53. The one thing most of us commentors have in common is the unfortunate fact that we were all somehow neglected and took a nasty fall to the head region.

    Just thought that speaks volumes...

    This is coming from someone who has also cracked her skull open on a fireplace after flipping over a toy baby stroller. Babies are dangerous. Case in point.

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  54. 90's nurses not caring... I ripped my finger OFF with the classroom door in first grade. It was an old cinder block school, with external doors. These were fire rated, solid steel, locked instantly, and fucking heavy. When I got to my teacher with my bloody stump she passed out. I got the janitor to open the door for the rest of my finger and went to the nurse. She just sighed and called my mom. There was so much blood I imagine they had no clue I was missing an entire section of my index finger until I showed it to them in the cup of ice the janitor put it in.

    The nurse sighed and called an ambulance, then called my mom back, and went about counting tongue depressors. they got it stitched back on and there's almost no scar, but it's a little crooked, like it wasn't put back on right.

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  55. I don't know what I find more disturbing - the spit gun or the hermaphrodite Miss Piggy.

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  56. I feel like either you didn't get revenge, or what you did was so horrible that you won't repeat it. Or it comes next month. MY MIND MAY DESTROY ME WITH THOUGHT BEFORE I FIND OUT.

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  57. This is the first time I can actually admit that kismessitude is a real situation. Whether anyone here knows likes, dislikes, or even cares what that is. .__.

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  58. I am fairly certain your parents took the wrong baby home because you are clearly a Henry.

    No joke, I laughed at the first thumb-teacher pic for like a solid 2 minutes and couldn't breathe.

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  59. I'm taking you out to ice cream!!

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  60. I remember breaking my wrist in third grade because some jerk pushed me off the monkey bars. I went bawling to the nurse, who told me "Shut up it's just a sprain, just take some Aspirin." Fast forward to the next day and my wrist and hand was the swollen and looked more like a flesh covered glove than body parts.

    Turns out it required nine weeks in a cast! Wanted to use the cast as a club on the jerk that pushed me but I wasn't allowed anywhere near the monkey bars and nobody saw him push me off (at least nobody said he did, he was school bully after all that tormented people older and younger than him.)

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  61. Back in the 3rd or 4th grade, there was this really big slide that I was afraid to go on but a class mate convinved me to do it. It was one of those tube shaped ones. I was so scared. Another class mate of mine crawled ontop of the ending of the tube and bended over, looking into the slide upside down. When I slid down, her head was still in the tube and we banged out heads together and it hurt so bad!
    I still have that bump on my forehead and I'm 22! I never forgave either of those girls.

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  62. When I was a kid, I literally ran face-first into a pole that held up the pavilion at the neighborhood playground during an intense game of freeze tag. Suddenly, I was bawling on our 90's corduroy printed couch while my mom picked up the phone and asked her church friends for advice, then if they had any new recipes. Needless to say, I never went to the hospital (although I'm pretty sure I blacked out). Now I'm 50% less coordinated because my left side can't do anything right.

    ReplyDelete
  63. So i didn't see if someone asked and you responded already, so forgive me, but did you ever get the little twit who pushed you back??

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  64. First of all, the use of your thumb as your evil teacher was genius and also made me giggle.

    Also, if you did get your revenge on Lee Sugars, will it be in that lovely book coming out?

    ReplyDelete
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  74. We are the same age. I remember the 90s. I kicked a guy in the back once ... I forget why but there was definitely a "crush turned hatred" story in there... he didn't like that my measly, short, female leg managed to knock him off balance so he pushed me into the lockers and got all up in my face and I was scared and drew pictures of him getting stabbed and hung from a tree and set on fire for the rest of my next class...

    I haven't read your blog in years but I remember liking it and I'm glad to see you've got a book coming out. High-five!

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  75. Good revenge Lee, well done. Sorry but you deserved it for your constant bullying via the notes you passed.

    No you're right that was assault and she never should have gotten away with it.

    Bet it stopped you passing those nasty notes of harassment though didn't it.

    Poor you - for being a kid and not knowing any better.

    Great story, well told. Much appreciated.

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  77. Awesome story! Hope you got your revenge or at least made amends with Lee Sugars.

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  78. Why? WHY HAVEN'T I'VE READ YOU UNTIL NOW???? I got here from a link on the Oatmeal. Your site is now bookmarked and I will be buying your books and fast as I can get my grubby mitts on them. Cheers.

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  79. I, like a bunch of others i suspect, are horrified that the oatmeal had to mention this blog before I found you! Looking forward to the book.

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  80. Lee Sugars is a beautiful name. You two totally should get married.

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  81. I ran into the gym wall head first while looking to the side when I was 4. Now...21 years later, I still have a bump on my left forehead that is clearly visible.

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  83. Lee... Has... To... BURN IN HELL. *No ice cream included

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  84. This is absolutely brilliant. Just finished reading your entire blog, and waiting for the next post to come. Please, let it be soon!

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  86. I occasionally check your blog for new posts. Every time I have done so recently shows me that wonderful image of young Adam with a water gun, and I gag a little because I know what is happening in that image. I have to give you major credit for provoking such a strong response repeatedly... that being said, I may have to stop checking in for a little while.

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  87. FYI, "sploop" is now officially my least favorite word.

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  91. There's a crack in my cheekbone from when someone threw a swing in my face when I was about 4. The daycare didn't even tell my mother about it. She found out when I came home with half my face black. Also she figured I might be concussed when I just fell on the couch and went to sleep. Apparently I was a really active kid.

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  92. I feel your pain. 1996, I'm 8 years old, my neighborhood friends and I are out riding our big bad too wheeler bikes. No helmets because helmets aren't cool and our parents didn't care what we did (as you say, it was the 90's). My older brother was pissed at me because earlier that week, I may have accidentally lost his brand new golden metal pog slammer. I wasn't punished, so he took it upon himself. While my friends and I rolled down the gravel alley behind our houses, my brother popped out from behind the neighboring garage and before I could stop, he pushed a broom through my front bike spokes. I flew. My entire face broken my fall, and I walked back to the house, seeing red.... not only because I was angry, but also because of the blood in my eyes. My mom picked an infinite amount of gravel bits from my head, while my dad tried to hunt down my bro and give him a smack for nearly killing his 4 years younger sister. I still have a couple bits of gravel burrowed deep inside of my skull, near my hairline. You can't see then, but I always make people feel them when they don't believe I have rocks in my head. Probably not something I should advertise.

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  95. prologue: we are the same age, adam.
    i don't run fevers and it was a mission and a half to get the school nurse to call my parents every time i was pretty sure i was dying from plague. i would either have to throw up or pass out.
    also, i used to freewheel on my bike down the grassy side of a highway overpass without a helmet and bail before the front wheel hit the bottom ditch and would inevitably flip the bike over. the 90's were awesome.

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  97. When I was 5 or 6, my eyes were constantly fixated on the ground, so I ran straight into some kid's forehead while playing "cactus tag" (freeze tag but when you freeze you have to 'be' a cactus. I still don't understand why.) I broke my nose, but it took the nurses at the hospital what felt like a century to figure this out, despite the fact that my nose had started to turn black.

    There was a fish painting in the room.
    Whatever reason causes me to remember this has been eluding me for the past 12 years. Somehow, I blame fish and nurses for most of my problems. I have a lumpy nose to this day.

    I also don't know what happened to the kid I ran into, but his name was Lucas, and I believe I saw him in a walmart recently. He looked really bad.

    Whoops.

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  100. Yeah, your statement is grammatically incorrect, whereas the original statement is, huh would you look at that, grammatically correct. So, I guess my question is, what is your point?

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