Thursday, February 14, 2013

Garbage Mouth

I dreamed I had spiders crawling out of my mouth. In the dream, a couple of my back molars cracked and fell out, and from the hole that remained in my gums, a million baby spiders emerged. It was gross.

Dreams about your teeth falling out aren't uncommon, but this one was particularly distressing because of the added arachnid element. I awoke, startled, and made sure all my teeth were still intact. Then I realized something: I haven't been to the dentist in, like, a decade. 

That seems like a long time, and it is, but I take care of my teeth and they've never really given me problems. I always figured going to the dentist was like seeing a doctor—you only go if something's bothering you. Yearly checkups are for children, the elderly, and Kim Kardashian, who gets annual upgrades to her hi-tech prosthetic robot boobs.

I decided it couldn't hurt to at least get my teeth checked out, even though I was sure everything would be fine. After all, my teeth are my third most complimented feature, after my always-trimmed-to-one-fourth-of-an-inch beard and my oddly beautiful eyebrows.


I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging, so for the record my least complimented features are my luscious knuckle hair, gigantic big toes, and devil horns which I file down every morning so nobody suspects I'm actually the Beast of the Apocalypse summoned to Earth by Nazi occultists. 

Because I am poor, I investigated inexpensive options for visiting the dentist. A friend suggested I check out a dental school, but that seemed like a supremely bad idea.


After researching some pricy and unneeded dental plans, I figured the best course of action would be to wait for an appropriate Groupon to come available, because Groupon always has suspiciously cheap deals for medical procedures.


Luckily, I only had to wait a few days for a suitable dental work coupon: $35 for a full cleaning, x-rays, and consultation. Bingo.

I made an appointment and a few weeks later moseyed down to the clinic, which for the sake of protecting the innocent I will call Fartmouth Dentistry, Inc. (spoiler alert: the name applies). I filled out some paperwork and handed the secretary my printed Groupon. Since the facility was curiously empty, I was admitted right away. I was led back to the x-ray room by a hygienist named Javier who seemed like he'd rather be anywhere but work. He had a hairstyle apparently influenced by Rufio from Hook and an attitude apparently influenced by April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation, but somehow without the sardonic charm. I disliked him immediately. He seemed like the kind of person who's "only at this job until my side business selling silk charmeuse harem pants for pugs takes off."

He was not gentle with me.


Afterwards I was unceremoniously shuffled to one of several little cubicles with a dentist chair in it.

"Have a seat," Javier mumbled. "Dr. Landress will be in to see you shortly." He sashayed away.

I looked around my cubicle. The walls were a sort of non-color that might've been white once upon a time, or maybe yellow, but had faded into a dirty shade of custard. The vinyl cover on the footrest of my chair was torn down the middle and nearly falling off. A tiny, ten inch television was affixed to the wall near the ceiling for patients to watch while their teeth were worked on. Dr. Oz was playing on mute. It was closed captioned. Coming here was not a good idea, I thought.

Dr. Landress entered. She didn't introduce herself, and instead sat down next to me and said, "Open wide, please." I obeyed. She reached around my head, a cleaning pick in hand and a tiny mirror in the other. Before she started cleaning, she said, "I can see one cavity already. You should floss." I furrowed my brow at the comment. I do floss. I love to floss. I wish I had more teeth to floss.

For the next twenty minutes, I sat in the chair, uncomfortable wincing in pain each time Dr. Landress jabbed at my gums with her tiny death sickle. The concept of personal space seemed foreign to her. I understand dental work calls for close quarters, but at one point she leaned in so close I could hear her heartbeat.


When she finished cleaning, she polished my teeth with that pink gunk that tastes like expired Skittles, then called Javier in to review my x-rays. He handed her a small transparent sheet and the doctor reviewed it. "Hmm. Looks like you have one, two, three... four, five... six cavities. You have six cavities." She almost seemed impressed.

I stared at her incredulously, my mouth aching dully.


She showed me the x-ray. One of the cavities was in the front, on a tooth that I'd chipped years ago during a particularly heated make-out session. The other five were in the back, between the same two molars. It wasn't as bad as it seemed. I floss regularly, but those two back teeth are always hard to get at, and after ten years of neglecting the dentist I shouldn't have expected to have problem-free chompers. Still, six cavities? I felt like a certifiable Garbage Mouth.

"How often do you brush your teeth?" Dr. Landress asked. Her tone implied that she doubted I'd ever seen a toothbrush. I told her I brush twice a day for a couple minutes, at least. She seemed skeptical. "Well, ok. Just make sure you brush for two minutes every time. It's easier if you think of your mouth as having quadrants, and brush each section for thirty seconds." I felt like a child. I half expected her to follow up with an explanation on how to tie my shoes.


Back at the front desk, the receptionist and I discussed what my next step would be. "We can go ahead and make an appointment to get those cavities filled, if you want," she said. "We charge $275. Do you have insurance?"


"Ok, well, we have a discount dental plan for... disadvantaged patients." She put special emphasis on the word disadvantaged. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I can pay $275 out of pocket, it's fine," I said.

The receptionist smiled weakly. "That's per tooth. Your total would be $1,650."

I had an aneurism.


"I'll call later about making an appointment," I said. I paused momentarily, shifted my weight a bit, and nonchalantly added, "So, um, isn't there supposed to be, like, a toy situation here? Last time I visited the dentist I got a prize."

The receptionist looked at me quizzically. "We used to have a toy chest for... kids, but that was a while ago."

"So no Spongebob temporary tattoos?" I said, only partly joking. "No Ben 10 pencil toppers? Nothin'?"

"Sorry," the woman chuckled, and turned to file something. Despite the fact that I'm a fully grown adult, I felt shortchanged.


Before leaving, I reiterated that I'd call again and make a follow-up appointment to get my cavities filled, I could tell the receptionist never expected to see me again. She was right. I need to get my teeth fixed, but I sure wasn't doing it at Fartmouth Dental.

And yet, I still have holes in my mouth and I'm not sure what to do. I can afford to pay the $1,650 if I have to, but I feel like my hard earned cash is better utilized on videogames, Thai food, and LeBron X Nikes in multiple colors. I spent the better part of a decade neglecting the dentist, so I suppose I can afford a few more weeks and seek out a more trustworthy professional to drill my teeth.

Until then it's "bah whatever, cavities lol."

I really am a Garbage Mouth.


  1. Nicely done Adam. I remember as a little kid I hated the dentist I remember on the way there thinking "No way I have any cavities this time! I brush twice a day!" Turns out I also had 6, and 4 needed to be removed. Not pleasant.

  2. My childhood dentist was very sneaky in that he lied to me about how many cavities I had. Once I started asked around and realized that having two cavities every time you had a teeth cleaning was NOT normal, I switched dentists. Haven't had a "cavity" since. They might be fibbing! Go to a legit dentist. y'all!

  3. check out the dential school. often the work is very good and free and you are worked on by a real doctor.

  4. I feel over when I was 8 and shattered my teeth, had to have braces until I was 16, got abscesses, dead nerves, crowns, you name it, I had it done... but your 6 cavities disgust me, sir.

  5. I'm a dental hygienist in Ma, so my information may not work for where you are, but I'll give it anyway. First of all, dental schools SOUND scary, but you actually will get really good service. These students are depending on doing a good job to graduate. Also, their instructors check their progress constantly so they will not screw up. It takes a bit longer because of the checks, but it's cheaper. If you have the right cavities for their board exams, many dental students are willing to pay you to sit as their patient. If you're still too wary of dental schools, look up Sliding Scale options,they tend to cost less than a private practice.
    Finally, as a hygienist I would say that offices that offer a coupon like you received tend not to be doing the best at keeping patients for a reason. I work in a health center and see what they called "disadvantaged" patients almost exclusively. I'd never think to treat them differently. As for the uncomfortable gum pick thing,unfortunately, it's never going to be comfortable. But the more often you go, the less painful the cleanings will be. :)

  6. For that sort of money, you can fly to a third world country and have all your holes filled (no pun intended).

  7. The last time I went to the dentist I was told that I had 'micro-cavities' that were only spotted via x -ray. I pictured germs starting to drill in my teeth, like breaking ground on a new construction site...

  8. My God Adam, you're hilarious. I hope you'll be churning out more posts now that you're settled in your new place.

  9. This may sound silly, but my dad is a dentist. I went to one of those discount dental deals about 5 years ago to get a free cleaning, and they told me I also had 6 cavities, and needed to replace 2 of my fillings. Apparently my silver fillings were weak and ceramic fillings were stronger (this is lie, ceramic fillings usually discolor or fall out and have to removed/replaced). I said thank you, and I'd make an appointment later, then immediately called my dad, sobbing.

    He told me places like that show weakened spots of the teeth and tell you they are cavities when, in reality, they are "almost" cavities that. If taken care of and the use of floride mouth wash, usually wont amount to anything. It's really just a scam to make money. I never went back.

    5 years later, I have dental insurance, went to reputable dentist. To my surprise, I didn't have a single cavity in my mouth.

    So don't listen to those quacks.

    1. Listen to this woman, she speaks truth. Same thing happened to me, and I had to get someone else to fix it. Never had a cavity before those quacks drilled. If you're not in pain, don't fix it!

    2. Same here! I had a Fartmouth tell me I had NINE cavities. I left bawling. And when I got a second opiniob I actually only had one very small cavity. I'm an anti-dentite.

    3. I had a similar thing happen to me as well. I was told I had 10 cavities at a discount place, then saw a real dentist and it turned out that I had spots of decay and only 2 actual cavities.

    4. I hate it when people reply to my jokes with serious advice, but I'm going to do it anyway (I hate myself right now). The same thing happened to me. I took my whole family to a place that kept telling us we had cavities. After I switched dentists they told me my daughter had no cavities or even fillings. The original dentist drilled one of my teeth and filled it, saying I had a very small cavity and that tooth later cracked. I am a sucker. :(

  10. I would get a second opinion. Sometimes they get it wrong and if you really take care of your teeth the way you say you do, there shouldn't be cavities. Also, adults are more prone to gingivitis than cavities.

  11. Holes in your teeth allow more room for food in your mouth. This is a good thing.

  12. Get a job at Starbucks. Then you'll get medical coverage and free coffee

    1. Starbucks is not what I would strictly call "coffee".

    2. Really? Because they grow coffee beans, harvest them, roast them, package them, ship them to stores, grind them, and brew them with hot water. It's called "coffee". What do you call it?

      If you think Starbucks coffee tastes like shit (they do roast their coffee much darker than most companies, it's hard as balls to drink black) then that's one thing. But it is coffee. And they have great benefits for their employees.

    3. they also were the driving force to deny Ethiopia a protected regional indication unless they would get discounts on their "Fair Trade" beans. Which, obviously, ruins the purpose of fair trade.

  13. Gentle Dental has some crazy discount for folks without insurance, which I somehow missed out on by visiting a new location the first week they were open. Do eet, stinkyface! Better than spittin' out toofs.

  14. Seriously, go to the dental school clinic. At least the stuff is fresh in their minds, they just need practice. Their sole motivation is to make sure your teeth are healthy. Those people at the clinic probably didn't give a shit and just wanted your money.

  15. hahahaha beautiful. Great comic, Adam. I had four cavities in between two of my back teeth. They have to saw them in half to repair the damage. Rather uncomfortable T.T
    P.S. I found a typo. First one I've ever noticed from your otherwise perfect grammar.

  16. As strange as it may seem, dental school is a good option. Those guys are close to graduation, they're trying REALLY HARD to do the best possible job, and they are constantly monitored. They'll do a good job and you pay next to nothing.

  17. Take a holiday to Colombia (or somewhere else - bit of research wont hurt) with the money, they got loads of cheap dentists. so at least you get a holiday thrown in.
    Also - listen to Laurel

  18. hahahaha beautiful. Great comic, Adam. I had four cavities in between two of my back teeth. They have to saw them in half to repair the damage. Rather uncomfortable T.T
    P.S. I found a typo. First one I've ever noticed from your otherwise perfect grammar.

  19. What, Hermey the elf wasn't available to service your teeth?

  20. I have to ask, do you watch Rupaul's Drag Race? A line you said in this post could have been just a coincidence, but instead I'll think of it as not. It was divine.

    Shantay, you stay
    Sashay, away

    1. That was the first thing I thought, too. :)

  21. I found a typo
    I should've have expected to have problem-free chompers.

  22. I'm so glad we have insurance that covers 80% because our dentist, although excellent, is heinously expensive.

  23. "...devil horns which I file down every morning so nobody suspects I'm actually the Beast of the Apocalypse summoned to Earth by Nazi occultists."

    You, sir, are hilarious. Be my Valentine?

  24. 1,000,000 points for the Hellboy reference! I love this even more now! :D

  25. Okay, everyone else is saying it, but I'll throw in my two cents. My mom is a dental hygenist, so I have a little bit of knowledge about teeth. Trust me (and everyone else on here) who has said verify by getting a second opinion with another dentist before getting any work done. If you genuinely are taking care of your teeth, there is no reason at all why you should have 6 cavities like that. Especially if you are feeling no pain in your mouth.

    Same as everyone else has said, discount dentist shops almost always do some cheap deal to get you in the door for a cleaning, then use that as an excuse to bill you some ridiculous amount for unnecessary drilling and filling.

  26. I went to a dentist about a year ago, and she told me I had eight cavities that needed to be filled. Last week I went to a new dentist, and he told me I had two cavities.


    Most dentists will make up completely BS excuses to stab around your gums and take your money away. Doooon't lisssteeeen.

  27. Dental schools where I'm from are great... a little slow sometimes but the work is usually pristine. Fresh training, no shortcuts, and supervision from someone who wont let anything slide. Plus they're gentle because they're scared witless of hurting you. What I really like is how they keep you filled in on what's going on, they don't just dive in there with sharp objects and have at it!

    Disclaimer: I'm not from the US.

  28. honestly, whenever i go to a dentist, i'm a little skeptical of their diagnosis regarding cavities. Why?
    Well, one time at my bi-yearly checkup (i was conditioned from a young age) i shown an x-ray of my mouth that had four cavities. FOUR. I may not brush my teeth for two minutes three times a day, but i keep my teeth clean and floss daily.
    Granted, this was a new dentist i decided to try out because they were cheaper.
    I decided to put it off until it became a problem, like you did. When I went back to my regular six months later, they didn't mention anything about any cavities. careful. They might just be drill-happy.

  29. That's way too much a tooth, I would call around and ask them what they charge. Ridiculous and over priced for grodo dentist? I think NOT!

  30. Thank you so much for bringing attention to the magical beauty of your eyebrows. I would never have looked at them so raptly and thus be captured by the exquisiteness of your luxuriant face-caterpillars. So uh...what were you writing about again? ;)

  31. You probably don't actually have full-blown cavities.

  32. As a kid I used to hate brushing and I never did it, all through childhood (until I got my adult teeth) I never had any cavities. After I got my adult teeth I got a few, I remember one time I went to the dentist as a kid and I had brushed maybe ten times since my last visit (I know I was a disgusting child) and I still had no cavities. It seems really random to me when I do and don't have cavities. Unfotunately all of that not brushing as a child/pre-teen mean I now have weak enamel and have to use prescription toothpaste that costs $20 for a tiny little tube less than half the size of a regular tube.

  33. I'm sure a babillion other people said this, but get a second opinion. You can ask the dental office in question to give you your x-rays back. Then take the x-rays to a better dentist.

  34. Pictures of the knuckle hair, plz.

  35. You put an exploding head. That's like the sixth different one I've seen in the past two days! Why would you? Why. Why. Just. Stahp.

  36. Your American health system is CRAZY!!! Waiting for a Groupon deal to go the dentist?? Being told that taking care of cavities will cost you $275 each???!!!

    Come in live in France, Adam!!!

  37. I had a baby in Africa in an un-airconditioned hospital "room" that included a card table and an old grimy wing chair. My child's head broke my tailbone. It was hell.
    But not nearly as terrifying as the dentist. I just went last week for the first time in seven years. It was hellier

  38. I've never had a cavity in my life, but I recently took dental care out of my insurance thingy, so I'm scared now. Luckily, dental care is a lot cheaper here in the Netherlands than it is in the US.

  39. I've never had any issues with my teeth, but a year or so ago I thought it was time to go to the dentist. I apparently had 3 cavities and 1 that was really big, it felt like he was putting metal in my gums while fixing it. Near the end he asked me if I need him to show me how to floss/clean my teeth. I'm a 20 year old woman, I know how to floss/clean my own damn teeth.

    After the visit I've had a shitload of teeth dreams, and I hate them.

    PS: He also told me i should take out my wisdom teeth cause there a bit far in the back of my mouth. Yeah okay. I'll just vist my money tree on something that is inconvenient to him.

  40. The only cavities I've ever had were because my mouth was too small for a toothbrush when I was a toddler (those were pulled out) and then because the grooves in the back of my teeth are so deep that there's just no way to avoid it. My dentist is awesome though and he fixes them when the stains start to turn into cavities so its really not that bad.

    I did have a horrible time at the dentist when I was about ten though. She used the little pokey tool and kept poking at my gums so that I was whimpering and whining and bleeding. When she asked me if it hurt, I was like "UH HUH" and she said, "It doesn't hurt." and poked me again. I bit her.

  41. This is ironic timing. I've just been to the dentist. I've got a tooth right at the back that is in major pain. They gave me codeine for it. Not too sure what it is exactly, could be infected or could need a root canal. Don't really want to go back, but nor do I want the pain. =(

  42. Another vote for the dental school. I went there a couple times in grad school and they were great at telling me what they were doing, they knew the latest research about tooth health, and they were surprisingly gentle. Plus, they had the latest new-fangled dentistry gadgets and x-ray machines and being surrounded by fancy machinery made me feel reassured about being there, because if they have fancy gadgets, they must be good, right?

    1. Ahh! I see you have the machine that goes BIINNNGGGGGGG!

  43. At least you still have your eyebrows.

  44. You can brush your teeth till your wrists are a bloody stump but if you don't have the genetics, your teeth will just suck no matter what you do. Yes, fluoride helps; as does brushing and flossing and not drinking 10 gallons of coca-cola a day like that New Zealand woman in which doing so, killed her (after ALL her teeth had fallen out from super duper sugar decay). But here's the thing; if you're genetically predisposed to have bad teeth, you're screwed. Cavities and root canals will become common occurrences for you. But, like every one else says on here, YOU BEEN DUPED SON! YOU DON'T HAVE 6 CAVITIES! THEY WANTED YOUR MONEY! ALL OF IT! So, you know, see a real dentist, not a groupon dentist.

  45. FFS! 1650 bucks for six cavities???? I went last week to my dentist (I live in Spain) to have one cavity fixed and he charged me 60 euros (80 dollars). So, then again... 1650 BUCKS??? My god...

  46. Hey at least it's only six...turns out drinking Coca Cola like it's water kills your teeth - really fast. I have several small chips, two molars I lost half of, and god knows how many cavities - the toothaches were excruciating...but I think the nerves might be dead now so...there's that. On the upside I might have coverage soon. I hope.

  47. you know, you should come live in Denmark. going to the doctor, or the hospital is free, and going to the dentist is relatively cheap :)

  48. I am a professor at a dental school (I teach anxiety management and communication skills). The comments about dental schools have been accurate in my experience. I have had students work on my teeth, my husband's teeth and both my children had orthodontics at the dental school. The training and evaluation that students must go through before they are allowed to touch a real patient is very extensive. I would be happy for any of my family members to be treated here. I would expect the same of any dental school. It makes perfect sense that if you have not been to a dentist for cleanings since you were a teenager you will have some cavities, maybe not 6 though. Regular cleanings really are necessary to clean out the plaque and calculus that your toothbrush can't reach.
    For all those people who say they know how to brush and floss their teeth, you may be able to learn a technique that works for your particular situation better than the method you currently use. There are different ways to do things that will achieve good results.

  49. First, put a donate button or something (amazon and paypal I think have one), I would contribute to help you with this. But you know, sometimes you can fill cavities in -- my dentist told me (and then my followup checkup revealed it worked) that if I gargled with ACT mouthwash for 30 seconds after brushing once a day and then didn't eat for 30 minutes, the fluoride would help remineralize teeth. Pronamel is a toothpaste that also helps remineralize too. Also look for floss that is "woven" -- my dentist said it cleans the spaces between much better (and it's true, if you compare you can see) although I have found it's really hard to find in stores so I buy mine online. (Not anymore expensive though, luckily.)

    LOVED this post, omg you are HILARIOUS. Best one is the dentist looking boredly at his fingernails. That is so true.

    You may also want to get a second opinion because I dunno, maybe they're being opportunists? It's not good to get too many x-rays though so you should probably not have one for another year. I think they can tell cavities by "stickiness" with that ice pick thingee.

    If you do get more x-rays, ask for the lead apron with a cervical collar. They're becoming standard but not all offices have a full supply yet -- my dentist's office had only 2 on hand so you had to specifically request one. They protect the thyroid. Since x-ray damage is cumulative, it's really just a protective measure over time since dental x-rays may be a contributing factor into why so many older people have lowered thyroid function. Sorry for being so long-winded but after some horrible dental experiences, it's a hot topic for me. Oh yeah, one more thing -- I stopped visiting the dentist regularly because it would hurt but I DID buy an electric toothbrush. Ever since I started using one of those, they tell me whenever I DO go (every few years) that it looks like I had a cleaning just a couple months ago. So my obsessive rituals seem to be working to keep me away from the dentist!

    Best of luck!

    1. I agree with the flossing and electric toothbrush. I chipped two teeth and my dentist fixed those, but later on said I hadn't been in for two years! They also wanted to replace all my "old, metal" fillings and I refused. I'm not doing ANYthing to them, until they fall out. (The doc showed me a MUCH enlarged photo of my filling, saying the edges were starting to come lose. Well, ANYTHING would look lose under magnification! He warned me that I could get 'unseen' cavities, under those filings. ???) My husband is another story. They say he has a cavity, needs a crown, blah, blah, blah. Then they will "give him a deal" if he goes through with it. Plus, they can't bill our insurance correctly, and I currently owe them $500...since my daughter should have been billed through my major medical, at that time. I'm not going to THAT dentist anymore. We started there on a "Grand New Opening" groupon, and he still sends out "new patient discount" groupons! What does that tell you? Plus they call my husband, if he doesn't have work done, and I guess they need $$ for a vacation, to wherever. I feel the doc does a crappy job on my cleanings, so I'll have to return sooner. I was going THREE times a year, at one point. I then met my little friend, the electric toothbrush, and I can knock that stuff off nearly as well as he can. One other doc in the practice is really good, does great cleanings and doesn't say...hey you have a cavity!

      I will be reading your blog, since my daughter introduced me to it. I'll probably read ALL of your blogs, since I'm that sort of person. Love the added cartoons~mud and dead insects? LOL! Good luck with the chompers! I need a new dentist, myself. I'm really afraid to look for one, they are like chiropractors..oh, you need this or that fixed. Then they wonder why people don't go to have their teeth worked on. Duh!

  50. ps. You don't have to buy the brand "ACT" but make sure the generic has the same exact amount of fluoride ion, otherwise it will be an ineffective dose (said my dentist).

  51. My mom's insurance changed a few years back and my 2 sisters and I had to go to a new dentist for a cleaning. After a session with a hygienist who made ground beef of my gums, the dentist told my mom that each of the three of us had 2 cavities, which would cost us about $1800 to fix.
    We ignored it, and when she got a new insurance provider, we were able to go back to my old dentist. Who told us that NONE of us had cavities. None. Not a cavity to be had.
    Bastards were gonna drill a couple of kids' mouths and charge their mom almost two grand for cavities that weren't even there.
    I'd get a second opinion. And a tetanus shot.

  52. Don't feel bad. I didn't have insurance for quite some time (thanks, grad school) and when I finally did go to a dentist, I figured it wouldn't be so bad because I have pretty excellent oral hygiene...nope! Eight cavities. Eight.

  53. If you go to a decent dentist, you'll enjoy the visit and the smile afterwards. if you don't, you'll be like me, getting 5 root canals that could have been avoided.
    That dentist reminds me if my old dentist which is why it got so bad, I need 5 of the nasty things. Totally worth the smile tho ;).

  54. I had a dentist who managed to find a cavity or a loose filling that needed to be replaced every time I went. Miraculously, I stopped getting "cavities" and "loose fillings" when I stopped going to this dentist.

    The beauty of this scam is there is no way to prove you didn't have a cavity or loose filing because the procedure destroys the evidence.

  55. I have not visited a dental care clinic for a decade. My gum shouts to me sometimes "Go to see a dentist at once you !@#$" But still, I have not found a dental care clinic that seems fit to me yet...

    This reminds me to seek a dentist for my valuable teeth and gum soon and I will make sure I ask for a second opinion first before I let anyone do anything with my teeth.

  56. If I were you I would go to a different office, $1650 is a RIDICULOUS price for 6 fillings, I work at a dental office in Arizona and there is NO WAY we would charge someone that price, hell we do a full implant for $1895, and that is a big procedure! Try going to a franchised office like Comfort Dental or Western Dental. They get better prices for their materials because they have so many offices, that way they can pass the savings on to you. If you go to a small office they rack up the prices. Small dental offices will get you in with that groupon but you're actually paying more in the long run.

  57. In recent years I have become deathly afraid of the dentist. No idea why. I was perfectly fine with it and then BAM! Hyperventalation and hyper laughing gas required. Eeek Eeek Eeek.
    If you're going to shovel out the money for getting your cavities filled, go for a place that offers them drugs. Might as well make it a pleasant experience.

  58. You should go to a dental school. I am a dental student and can tell you that we perform great work. Not to mention each filling is around 60-90 dollars depending on how extensive. That's a heck of a huge difference.

  59. GET A SECOND OPINION. It's totally possible you don't really have six cavities.

  60. I went in for a check up and cleaning after 17 years of not going to a dentist myself, and the dentist goes "Surprise! Root Canal!" joke.

    Five hours later, I hated life.

  61. I would recommend a second opinion. I once had a dentist claim I had twelve cavities, which sounded outlandish as I take care of my teeth. I went to another dentist, and it turned out I had two. Lying about cavities is sometimes common practice for some shady dentists. It's unfortunate, but true. So, it might be worth it to get another opinion.

    1. Exact same thing happened to me, a good dentist is worth the effort to find.

  62. I'm kind of not surprised at getting clip joint service from health professionals offering rebate services. I used a coupon to get contact lenses from an ophtalmologist. It was very disappointing to see how little is cared for patients in order to make a buck. Beware of the rebate when it comes to health care!

  63. Man, the picture of the dog dentist was Fucking hilarious!!!

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  65. I had this dream once where I was a teacher in an infant school and there were a million baby spiders in the sink and I had to look after them, but somehow the tap got turned on and the baby spiders were all being swept away and drowned. It was horrible. I think it was about how I should never ever be given responcibilty for anything. I thought you'd like to know.

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  67. I feel like those anti cavity mouth washes really work but maybe it's just wishful thinking.

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  70. Like everyone else has said, go get a second opinion. I had a place tell me I had EIGHT cavities. I may not be the best at brushing and flossing isn't my thing but eight seemed excessive when I had had one in my whole life previously. I saw another doctor who filled two of them and the rest were fine, also one of the ones filled was the one filled before (someone already said it but the tooth colored stuff is weaker then silver but I don't like bling in my mouth) so incase you still doubt, go see another doctor. You make have to spend some of the Thai food money but not thousands of dollars. Also dental school totally safe. They only left people who are upperclassmen at the one my friend is at do work. So people who are months away from having their job and degree work for super cheap at the school. I trust my friend more then other doctors

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  88. My mother got on this kick at one point where she decided everyone in the family ought to have a fancy 'lectric toothbrush. I was skeptical, but then I went to grad school and had decent dental coverage for the first time since I was a teenager, so I figured I should get checked out. It must have been at least five or six years since I went, and apparently my teeth are remarkably clean--less plaque buildup than most. No cavities, either--a fact that I found remarkable, given that I have the most porous teeth ever and seem to develop cavities like a teenager eating hot-pockets develops zits. I say get a second opinion. And a 'lectric toothbrush.

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    This one in particular really hit me, because I've heard SO many medical/dental horror stories from my friends who live in NYC. It is so different from my own experience of having a relationship with the same doctor and dentist over years and years, both of whom went to High School with my mom. You never have to worry about being disrespected and CERTAINLY not cheated.
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  113. Any sort of medical school is really the place to go to, imo. I am lucky to have a dentist my family has been going to "in three generations" (so for 30 years, lol) now and she's the best. My teeth are horribly damaged from antibiotics I got as a child so I have a sort of anxiety regarding everything that has to do with teeth, but she's specialized in anxiety patients and does her job really well. And just recently she fixed my front teeth for free, my insurance wouldn't have covered it since it was a cosmetic procedure :D
    I've been going to a medical school for dermathologist things, which was a very good idea because for some reason, this branch holds a row of bloated and idiot professionals which exorbitantly long waiting times. I had some melanomas removed there, one was done by a professor and two by students. Healed perfectly and I doubt I would have gotten a better result in a regular office.

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