Thursday, December 6, 2012

Drawn to Life: Black Friday

This year, I thought it might be fun to go to Black Friday at Walmart—not to buy anything, just to witness the chaos firsthand. I expected unruly crowds, but it was so much worse. It bordered on anarchy.

I was barely able to maneuver through the masses, so I edged myself into a corner and proceeded to observe the confusion unfold. As I watched, I took note of what different people had in their shopping carts. Then I created names and personas for them in my head.

Here's a sampling of the people I encountered.

bfDUSTIN 

bfjacob 

bfjazmin

bfmomo 

bfroslyn 

bftimbo 

bfdillon 

bfbird 

bfmischa 

bfgene

I had a difficult time wrapping my head around Gene. He really had a Friends sweatshirt on. I like to imagine he's never actually seen Friends, but when he found the sweatshirt he though, "What a nice sweatshirt. Everyone needs friends. I'm going to purchase this lovely sweatshirt."

Special thanks to Kristin for allowing me to use her format on this post!

95 comments:

  1. I would love to own the Craft on Laserdisc. That movie is amazing. What.

    ReplyDelete
  2. shouldn't you have named "jacob" "adam"? seeing as how that's you?

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I worked retail I cannot tell you how many people would show up and be amazed we had sold out of things like video game consoles that had just come out that month or other big ticket sale items.

    I mean, I guess it makes sense in a way. It's not like people line up and camp out for those ite...ooooooohhhhhhh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The bird one was very informative of your situation. I hope it really happened haha.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The bird! He frequents my Walmart too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Buddah Stalin's chronic!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I saw this on Imgur already yay for following blogs randomly that end up being things I like on Imgur :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Adam, your blog makes my life better. Just sayin

    ReplyDelete
  9. You really should have grilled Gene about where he got that Friends sweatshirt. I'm dying to cop one. A google search only yields this eye-sore: http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/upload/253538653991724609_ZuzgOAtN_c.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love the Genes of the world. Because it's awesome when people do NOT live up to a stereotype. That, and we do all need more friends.

    ReplyDelete
  11. SMH, I know at least one person in almost all of your categories or saw them when I went shopping for the first time this Black Friday. Jazmin was at Old Navy and used the term YOLO so many times in line behind me that I thought I was gonna have go batshit crazy and be in the news for causing the first Black Friday casualty. Momo-Chan is my bff's lil sister and you nailed her... even her deep dark secret LOL

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dustin actually looks like a guy I knew in college named Dustin.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Aren't those the people who go to WalMart on the daily basis, not just Black Friday?

    ReplyDelete
  14. I wonder what all these people thought of the skinny bearded guy who was lurking in a corner taking inventory of their carts.

    Probably "Fuckin' Walmart, man."

    ReplyDelete
  15. Please make more of these.

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  16. Oh Adam. You always can make me happy.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for this post!! Now I wanna make Black Friday an event next year to just watch ppl go nuts over cheap shit that's gonna be back on sale after xmas! LMAO Very good sir! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mischa describes me perfectly. Don't even get me going on Mufasa.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I was really wanting to get out on Black Friday just to people watch too. Sadly I didn't get the opportunity, but this makes up for it.

    Also, your Teen Mom trading cards were the best. It's sad they're not with us anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've read through your posts multiple times and i've decided I love you <3

    ReplyDelete
  21. I wonder how many caricatures of my horrible mug are plastered around the internet because I like to go to grocery stores and buy condoms, toy handcuffs, whipped cream and a turkey baster all in one for the sole purpose of freaking people out.

    Also, if Dustin isn't enough to convince people to STOP WEARING FEDORAS, I don't know what will.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Adam you're funny as hell.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I want to hang out with Gene.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I wonder if the two other people without a cart were inventing a persona for you just like you were for them

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