This year, I thought it might be fun to go to Black Friday at Walmart—not to buy anything, just to witness the chaos firsthand. I expected unruly crowds, but it was so much worse. It bordered on anarchy.
I was barely able to maneuver through the masses, so I edged myself into a corner and proceeded to observe the confusion unfold. As I watched, I took note of what different people had in their shopping carts. Then I created names and personas for them in my head.
Here's a sampling of the people I encountered.
I had a difficult time wrapping my head around Gene. He really had a Friends sweatshirt on. I like to imagine he's never actually seen Friends, but when he found the sweatshirt he though, "What a nice sweatshirt. Everyone needs friends. I'm going to purchase this lovely sweatshirt."
Special thanks to Kristin for allowing me to use her format on this post!
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ReplyDeleteTrue story
Deleteshouldn't you have named "jacob" "adam"? seeing as how that's you?
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ReplyDeleteWhen I worked retail I cannot tell you how many people would show up and be amazed we had sold out of things like video game consoles that had just come out that month or other big ticket sale items.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I guess it makes sense in a way. It's not like people line up and camp out for those ite...ooooooohhhhhhh.
The bird one was very informative of your situation. I hope it really happened haha.
ReplyDeleteThe bird! He frequents my Walmart too.
ReplyDeleteBuddah Stalin's chronic!
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DeleteAdam, your blog makes my life better. Just sayin
ReplyDeleteYou really should have grilled Gene about where he got that Friends sweatshirt. I'm dying to cop one. A google search only yields this eye-sore: http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/upload/253538653991724609_ZuzgOAtN_c.jpg
ReplyDeleteLMAO sexy sweaters! smh!
DeleteI love the Genes of the world. Because it's awesome when people do NOT live up to a stereotype. That, and we do all need more friends.
ReplyDeleteSMH, I know at least one person in almost all of your categories or saw them when I went shopping for the first time this Black Friday. Jazmin was at Old Navy and used the term YOLO so many times in line behind me that I thought I was gonna have go batshit crazy and be in the news for causing the first Black Friday casualty. Momo-Chan is my bff's lil sister and you nailed her... even her deep dark secret LOL
ReplyDeleteDustin actually looks like a guy I knew in college named Dustin.
ReplyDeleteAren't those the people who go to WalMart on the daily basis, not just Black Friday?
ReplyDeletehaha I ran into so many 'Jazmin's!
ReplyDeleteI wonder what all these people thought of the skinny bearded guy who was lurking in a corner taking inventory of their carts.
ReplyDeleteProbably "Fuckin' Walmart, man."
Please make more of these.
ReplyDeleteOh Adam. You always can make me happy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post!! Now I wanna make Black Friday an event next year to just watch ppl go nuts over cheap shit that's gonna be back on sale after xmas! LMAO Very good sir! Love it!
ReplyDeleteMischa describes me perfectly. Don't even get me going on Mufasa.
ReplyDeleteI was really wanting to get out on Black Friday just to people watch too. Sadly I didn't get the opportunity, but this makes up for it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your Teen Mom trading cards were the best. It's sad they're not with us anymore.
love Gene! :D
ReplyDeleteI've read through your posts multiple times and i've decided I love you <3
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many caricatures of my horrible mug are plastered around the internet because I like to go to grocery stores and buy condoms, toy handcuffs, whipped cream and a turkey baster all in one for the sole purpose of freaking people out.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if Dustin isn't enough to convince people to STOP WEARING FEDORAS, I don't know what will.
Adam you're funny as hell.
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ReplyDeleteI want to hang out with Gene.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the two other people without a cart were inventing a persona for you just like you were for them
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ReplyDeleteUsually it's triggered by the fire displayed in the post I looked at. And after this post "Drawn to Life: Black Friday". I was excited enough to post a leave a responsea response :) I actually do have 2 questions for you if it's okay.
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