Are you ready for a big announcement? Are you sitting down? Of course you're sitting down. You're probably wearing a Snuggie, too. I know I am. It's leopard print.
Anyway, big announcement. Are you ready? Are you sure? Do you even care? Whatever.
Grand Central Publishing, an Imprint of Hachette Book Group, has agreed to publish a book based on my blog in early 2013. That's right, before long there will be an actual Book of Adam. I suppose this means I titled my blog appropriately, though in retrospect I probably should have chosen something like, "Blockbuster Movie Starring Chris Evans and Anne Hathaway... of Adam."
Anyway, 2013 is a ways away, but I'm sure the time will fly by. In the meantime I'll continue updating my blog as usual. I wouldn't have the opportunity to publish a book if it weren't for the support of my readers, and I owe it to you guys to keep churning out free content while I work on a book that I hope you'll shell out a few bucks for. This just means I'll be pulling double duty in the coming months.
The book will tentatively be 192 pages. I understand that number might be a little hard to visualize, so to make it simpler, try and picture 192 bees swarming around your face and stinging you.
Since my book will be funny, try and imagine each one of those bees whispering hilarious jokes into your ear while they sting you.
That's what my book will be like. A bunch of bees telling stupid jokes while you slowly bloat from venom until you eventually pass out and die.
Would you like to know what the book will actually be about? Well, me too. It hasn't been written yet, obviously, but I can tell you a little bit about where it's headed. I'll be including some existing stories from my blog, and the rest will be brand new stories exclusive to the book. Seeing as how I have yet to write these new stories, I can't tell you about them, but I can certainly tell you what the book won't include.
The book will not include my personal grocery lists.
The book probably won't feature a foreword by Nicki Minaj. I keep sending her private tweets but she hasn't responded yet.
The book definitely won't include a Toys 'R Us catalogues from the mid 90's.
I'll keep you all updated as the book progresses. The next several months will be busy for me, but I've got my eyes on the prize: to have my book featured on Oprah's Book Club.
Or not. Long story short: There's gonna be a book. It'll have funny pages and maybe a Full House reference or two. It'll be released just a few months after the world ends in 2012, so unfortunately no one will get to read it. Blame the Mayans.