Friday, May 6, 2011

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Having a moderately popular blog, I receive a fair amount of spam in my comments section. The auto-filter does a good job of catching most of it, but every now and then something slips through and I have to delete it myself. So I'm sorry if you're wondering where all the hot singles are, or what daily supplements will make your junk grow in just four short weeks!!! because you won't find it here, I'm afraid.

Yesterday a bit of spam fell through the cracks, and it blew my mind a little bit. It was clearly funneled through an automated translation program, but all things considered it makes a surprising amount of sense. Though it was littered with links for a Croatian dating site, after cleaning it up a bit I realized it was a surprisingly dramatic story of forbidden love. I figured it would be a crime to let it go unnoticed by my readers. So without further ado, I present you:



Annie was no help. She ode there, at one authority draped lazily over her face, her trunk rising and falling slowly while she moaned softly. She was quiescent coming down away her genital extraordinary, drifting somewhere between genuineness and her own doll-sized world...




Betty was on her hands and knees, crawling disown, her eyes sizable with terror. Brushing deny her covet blonde locks, stretching her to be honest arm behind her, she aeons ago more looked about in the interest of a slip-off path. There was none.


Hank stood between her and the staircase, his desire belt doubled in one hand. He had slipped it from his Levi's earlier.


He doubled it, tapping the looped purpose lightly against one thigh.


These days he was advancing toward her, his eyes off the mark, glistening with a hanker for Betty had hitherto to understand. It was odd, whatever it was. She could perception that, wisdom the growing animality in Hank's mind. Katherine moennig and ian somerhalder dating Laws about dating

"I'm gonna tame you, baby. I'm gonna make you unified of my girls, know that? When I listen to through with you, you're gonna be like Annie," Hank said, licking his lips like a starving wolf while he tapped that terrible-looking belt against his thigh steadily. That horrible, bad wolf-like look in his eyes made the girl shiver with horror. Raising both hands, she rubbed her fingers briskly against her meat, feeling goose-bumps rising.


A diagram from somewhere blew through her hair.


In the qualifications she could hear Annie's soft common breathing. The piece was entirely in his power. He was talking to her as if he were bringing her into some kind of harem.

"No, no, don't ... cheer don't spark me off with that gismo," Betty moaned, her eyes shifting toward the stairs, then move backwards withdraw from to the belt. "Is rupert grint dating katie lewis? Jehovah dating asia."


"It's gonna caress real nice," Hank said. "Of course, you won't be competent to outlast from one end to the other, too profuse classes as a replacement for awhile."

"No!" Betty gasped.


Betty scrambled around like an fleshy, her momentous tits jiggling and slapping together. She half ran, half demolished down the hallway.


She had practically made it around the junior stud when he reached out and grabbed her before inseparable arm. Twisting her everywhere violently, Hank nearly jerked her arm from its socket.


Pure poetry.


  1. I really wanna see the original comment

  2. Wow, some people are so lazy with their translations.

    This was a comment?

    I'm glad you offered illustrations. I don't think I could have followed it myself. Though I was expecting something a little more flashy with the desire belt doubled in one hand. A desire belt should sparkle or something.

  3. Just died from laughter. Brilliant.

  4. This is freaking hilarious! I actually had a regression to kinder gaden since I understood most of it through the pictures, but I laughed all the way through, it sounds like a dirty madlibs. Keep up the awesome work, Kudos!

  5. Tears that glisten in my hand like probably. So beautiful.

  6. hahaha. oh wow xD

  7. I have the same problem with diagrams from somewhere blowing through my hair.

  8. The only thing that really stood out was "her momentous tits jiggling and slapping together."

  9. I love poor translations.

  10. Ah dear.. this is greatness. Your blog never ceases to make me laugh my face off.. not literally, but you get the idea.


  11. Can this be a poster? Please?

  12. I've been getting the same spam and laughing at it. If I'd thought to save it, you could have had the entire first 2 chapters.

  13. Oh man, you've got to make a t-shirt of her rubbing her meat. The rest of it makes perfect sense, of course.

  14. >.0'
    ........YES :D

  15. . . . Where would one acquire this 'desire belt'? I must have it!

  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. dear god that was amazing.

  18. I don't really get it....
    But I still laughed really hard.
    And I still love you.

  19. Olivia, that's how I generally feel about life.

  20. i really like your drawing of the flying titties; like they've got minds of their own & are prone to mischief & mayhem. hooligan hooters!

  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  22. lying titties picture was definitely the best!

    I want it on my wall.


  23. That... was brilliant. Thanks for that gem. xD

  24. "ian somerhalder dating Laws about dating" LOL. I love the keyword nonsequiturs.

  25. I honestly did not understand that at all... lol maybe i need to read it again? anyone mind explaining this to me? lol.

  26. This was awesome!! I laughed histerically through the whole thing, acctually I can't stop laughing! HAHAAHAH

  27. "A diagram from somewhere blew through her hair."

    Omg, that's soooo hot. :p hehehe

  28. This made perfect sense I have no idea what you're talking about! XD

  29. Oh gosh, Adam, this is BRILLIANT. Thanks for taking the time to draw pictures for such poetry.

  30. I love your blog so much, this is hilarious. Your blog inspired me to create my own!

  31. I laughed so hard I nearly stopped breathing. You know that silent laugh where you just shake and cry?

    I'm glad I wasn't at an internet cafe or anything. That would have just been wierd.

  32. Wait. Wait. Wait.

    Yeah, I don't get it... xD The pictures helped a little, but, what? I'd love to see the original comment, though :P

  33. I feel ashamed I have never received spam this entertaining, I should dream bigger. <3

  34. Oh gods, I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. I think I just woke my dog up in the other room. This is definitely one of my favorites on the site now. Well done!

  35. i don't think i've laughed that hard in ages, thanks

  36. The best part of the whole thing was you writing at the end of it. - Pure poetry. ROFL!

  37. Laughed so much my dog barked at me with an "Are you dying?" face.

    I die laughter does probably.

  38. I have no idea what I just read, but I have the vague feeling that I should go shower now, and then pray, and then huddle myself under a pile of blankets while curled in the fetal position.
    What. The. Hell.
    hilarious,though. Disturbing but hilarious.

  39. Lollerwalls. I enjoyed. :P

  40. Thank you. Thank you so much for this. My face hurts from laughing!

  41. Seriously.

    The beauty of spam.

    Hilarity ensues. Love it!

  42. Not the desire belt! Lol silly Croatians

  43. HOLYSHIT. My brain just jizzed.

  44. Holy lord that's funny. I hope you never stop writing this awesometastic blog.

  45. This reads like 85% of the fanfiction out there. It would have made perfect sense if it were about Snape and Dumbledore.

  46. Um yeah, i just about lost my shit at the part about her jiggling tits, to funny. love it

  47. I am having trouble stopping myself laughing. It's 1:30 am and I'm trying desperately to not wake my parents.

  48. Super disappointed I never receive spam like this.


  49. Wow. I don't even.

    I think it was meant to be a really dirty story. like and erotic fantasy sort of thing, and they jsut translated it bad. I'm glad they did.

    Never change.


  50. I was truly and completely in the thralls of LOLdom for awhile there. My upstairs neighbors may have called the police.

    That was fantastic, sir.


  51. i have never loved you more than i do right now.

  52. I was so lost but the flapping tits part threw me into a giggle fit. Flapping tits always have that impact on me.

  53. "I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words...I scatter them, in time and space. A message, to lead myself here. "

  54. I don't know if I should be scared or aroused

  55. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  56. I wish I could reply directly to a comment, but Miss Kaye, I thought the EXACT SAME THING when I read "bad wolf-like" xD I love Doctor Who fans.

    Anyway, this was sensational and hilarious. The bit about the flapping tits almost made me fall out of my chair. And I must posess this desire belt they speak of. xD

  57. So completely amazing. I wish a diagram from somewhere blew through MY hair.

  58. Oh dear god. Now I love you.

  59. I anxiously await the "Betty rubbing her meat" t-shirt with anxious abandon while searching for my own sparkling desire belt and simultaneously seeking a thigh to strike!

  60. "Quarterly Earnings?" Nay. Quarterly 'yearnings.' Boom. You're welcome.

  61. Oh my god. This nearly killed me... literally. (Having violent laughing spasms while you're recovering from bronchitis will do that). Also, I peed a little - just enough to make my undies really wet but not enough to soak through my pjs into my bed; the perfect amount! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! THANKS

  62. Haha! Nothing better than poor translations than awesome illustrations to go along with it. Amazing (:

  63. There are no words. Pure poetry in motion. I am in awe.

    ..also, there was much giggline interlaced with snorts involved as I read this post.

    Thanks for that.

  64. Brilliant. I personally loved the line "don't spark me off with that gismo"...I'm going to turn it into an actual saying.

  65. Brilliant! The ocular ducts of joy stream their ever flowing dew upon my cheeks in merriment at your entertaining jest! :P

  66. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath. This is awesomeness at its finest. I especially loved the "A diagram from somewhere blew through her hair." I'm still giggling over that.

  67. First reaction:...What the fuck?...
    What the ffffffffffuck?! :L

    1 minute laters tho: ...WOO! GO ADAM!!!! >:D

  68. OMG... I'm at work trying not to be too obvious but I can't stop giggling and snorting... Thanks anyway, I soooo needed this! :-D

  69. Oh my lord. This made me want to start reading spam.

    The diagram is definitely my favourite part.

  70. Had to keep chanting "self-control" when I could breathe but it didn't work. Like many of those who've commented before me- I was on my side, tears streaming, shaking with laughter... while my throat made a weird clicking noise. Don't know if that was laughter or me trying to breathe.

    I never thought I'd say this about Croatian SnM literotica, but I really needed that. Thanks.

  71. "A diagram from somewhere blew through her hair."

    That right there... was just beautiful. Such imagery.

  72. This is a love story more tragic then that of Shakespeare. *sniffle*

  73. Methinks it's time to add a bit of French and Saunders to the mix.

  74. Is that the end? Talk about leaves them wanting more!

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    سيدتي طلب اي لعبة داخل الموقع عن طريق نموذج اتصل بنا وسيتم الرد فورا وتحميل اللعبة المراد والتي تم طلبها من قبلكم واخيرا اتمني ان ينال موقع
    العاب رضاكم كما يوجد بالموقع
    عدة مشرفين علي اعلي مستوي يعملون بكل طاقتهم من اجل موقع افضل ومن اجل ارضاء جميع الزوار اخيرا وليس بأخر اتمني مشاركة الموقع مع
    اصدقائكم تدعيما منم لتقديم مستوي افضل كان معكم مدير موقع العاب بنات الموقع العربي الافضل
    في مجال تلبيس البنات

  117. Instill is just one of the most effective video gamers for iphone you tv player download iphone which sustains 3D videos of all types. Much like the You TV Player.

  118. The Nitrocom vendor portfolio is a strong and carefully selected collection of the world’s leading wireless, cloud & security innovators. Each vendor is individually outstanding whilst also able to work together to create a simple, yet sophisticated solution.
    SIAE MICROELETTRONICA was founded in 1952. Now we are internationally renowned as a leading provider of the most innovative and best performing microwave radio and wireless network solutions. Our equipment enables millions of people in over 90 countries to communicate around the world every day. As an intrinsic element of modern network infrastructure, our customers demand the highest quality, value for money and innovative telecommunications products.
    Cambium Networks offers a comprehensive portfolio of fixed reliable, scalable & high-speed wireless backhaul and access solutions.
    Ceragon Networks is a worldwide provider of high-capacity LTE-ready wireless backhaul solutions. The company has a broad portfolio of innovative, field-proven technology solutions for wireless service providers as well as private businesses. The Ceragon solutions are designed to deliver voice and premium data services, eliminate the backhaul capacity network as well as significantly reducing the costs and transition to next-generation IP-based networks.
    DragonWave is a leading provider of high-capacity packet microwave solutions that drive next-generation IP networks. DragonWave's carrier-grade point-to-point packet microwave systems transmit broadband voice, video and data, enabling service providers, government agencies, enterprises and other organizations to meet their increasing bandwidth requirements rapidly and affordably. The principal application of DragonWave's portfolio is wireless network backhaul, including a range of products ideally suited to support the emergence of underlying small cell networks. Additional solutions include leased line replacement, last mile fiber extension and enterprise networks. DragonWave's award winning products are known in the industry for their leading capacity, reliability, and spectral efficiency.
    3Roam provides high-capacity microwave transmission equipments for wireless and packet networks convergence. 3Roam solutions aim at bridging the gap between traditional microwave transmission technologies and advanced networking techniques.
    Micran is a modern innovative enterprise with a strong team of specialists, combining experience in the different spheres of microwave electronics, communications, radio location, test and measurement equipment and information security. This unique, talented, multi-disciplinary team is viewed very positively by our current customers and partners. They are always ready to bring their wide expertise to accept new challenges.

  119. Nitrowave WNMS is a Enterprise and Carrier-Grade Wireless Network Management System. A single software solution simplifies a large number of management and monitoring tasks for network administrators. Nitrowave ’s comprehensive network management system supports several thousands of nodes. Multiple networks may be maintained and monitored using one server. A rich feature set helps to diagnose network problems effectively, visualize networks on a map, perform scheduled firmware upgrades automatically, track states of devices, get failure alerts, and collect statistics. The Web-based system environment supports multi-user accounts. Several administrators may manage different networks on the same server, without having access to each other’s equipment.
    RACOM is a primary producer, i.e. we do our own research & development of both Hardware and Software for all our product lines: Radio modem, GPRS/EDGE/UMTS router and Microwave link. Whenever the need arises, one can always find the responsible person for the respective part of a product at RACOM.

    Pre-sales Support

    With our help you can trust that you are getting the right product to fulfil your customers requirement. We can help guide and support you with all pre-sales questions and design needs.
    Planning and Design
    Correctly planning and designing you wireless network is imperative to ensure you get the speed, services and value for money. Using our premium services we can assist you with planning and designing your wireless network.
    Installation and Aftercare
    Take the stress out of technical projects, have us set up your solution and deliver it to your customers door, ready to plug in. We offer pre-staging, consultancy, product support & troubleshooting and RMAs.
    Marketing Plus
    As a value-added distributor, Purdicom offers a range of marketing support to its partners including templates, event assistance and telesales resource. These templates include HTML emails, PDFs, infographics and technology guides across each of the vendors that Purdicom distributes.

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