Monday, March 7, 2011

More Stupid Cat

So there's this cat food commercial. Maybe you've seen it.

A cat wanders into an empty kitchen and ambles toward a can of Friskies cat food. The lid suddenly pops off, sending magic glowing swirls all over the room. The cat watches them, mesmerized, because she's clearly stoned out of her mind.

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Then a mysterious portal opens up. Right there in the kitchen. Because that makes sense.

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The cat leaps through the portal, and finds herself in a brightly colored fantasy land. She meanders through this newfound wonderland, marvelling at her surroundings.

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And even though it's only a 60-second commercial, this stoned cat manages to have a complete adventure, by land and by sea.

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Her journey eventually comes full circle, and a new portal leads the cat home, where she scarfs down some brown mush in a bowl. I'm not sure what the commercial is getting at, unless they're implying that Friskies cat food is laced with PCP.

Seeing pet food commercials always makes me miss my cat Lola, this commercial in particular. As a kitten Lola slurped up some antifreeze and was never quite the same. She's dumb as a cinderblock, but I love her, and I always look forward to seeing her when I go home for the holidays.

Last time I was home, I brought her a little mouse toy full of catnip. I'd never given her catnip before because I was afraid it might exacerbate her brain damage and send her into a kitty coma, but I figured it probably couldn't hurt just this once. I pulled the toy out of my pocket and tossed it on the ground in front of her.

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After that she picked up the mouse in her teeth, carried over to the couch, and rolled around for several minutes in a hazy delirium. Then she slid off the couch and laid there for another couple minutes before falling asleep for the rest of the morning.

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"No more drugs for you, cat," I said, and put the mouse on top of the fridge.

Later that afternoon I let Lola outside for a bit. She usually doesn't go farther than the edge of the deck, so I figured she couldn't get into much trouble. I sat down to do some light reading, but before long I was interrupted by a commotion in the backyard.

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There's a creek behind my house, and from time to time we get ducks crossing through. Usually the ducks aren't so noisy, so I could tell something was up. I peered through the blinds but couldn't see anything, so I got up and walked over to the sliding doors. I pulled them open, and there was Lola, dragging a dead duck across the deck. She had somehow managed to kill a whole duck. She looked up at me, proud as could be, blood and feathers scattered behind her.

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"Oh my god, Lola," I said.

She only stared at me, as if to reply, "What, this old thing? You act like you've never killed a duck with your bare hands before. Pussy." Fat and dumb though she may be, I still find myself surprised at what an efficient killer she is.

Though vicious and bloodthirsty, Lola spends the bulk of her day seeking out warm places to sleep. Her favorite place to snooze is on fresh laundry, preferably laundry that is still in the dryer. It's gotten to the point where I have to be careful she isn't around when I take my clothes out, because she will rocket past me and launch herself into the machine.

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When no laundry can be found, Lola will make do with what she can, though she is rarely successful in finding comfortable nap spots. She'll attempt to sleep in anything, be it cereal boxes or crockpots. When she doesn't fit, she'll glare at me like it's MY fault she's too fat for this world (nevermind the fact that she has an expensive cat bed that she refuses to go near).

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When she exhausts all possible nap spots, Lola will inevitably crawl under the carpet and lie in wait for me to walk by, at which point she'll sink her claws into my ankle as punishment for not accomodating her totally reasonable fetish for napping in awkward places.

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But of course, the moment I stop paying attention to her is when she decides she must have my undivided attention.

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Because she owns me, and we both know it.

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123 comments:

  1. many thanks for the zelda shout out!

    oh, and funny comic :D

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  2. yes!
    masterpiece. :)

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  3. I love the stories about Lola. You should definitely do more on her, bless her poor, brain-damaged soul.

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  4. That was hilarious! I love posts about pets and the crazy stuff they do. More Lola, please!

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  5. Lola comics always give me a good laugh. Well done :)

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  6. Zeldaaa! Haha amazing post.
    Lola is too funny, I completely see why you'd miss her :P

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  7. Dude... so what happened to the duck?

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  8. Aw, Lola is the perfect incarnation of a cat. Lethal, lazy, demanding, and completely lovable. And this made me laugh.

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  9. Catitude, gotta love it.

    Just like this post.

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  10. Dogs have owners.
    Cats have staff.

    Loved the comic!!! Thanks!!

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  11. This is why I keep reading your blog. I probably have 100 blogs in my RSS reader and yours is one of the only ones that actually makes me LOL while I'm reading it.

    Which freaks my cat out something fierce, lemme tell you.

    Somehow me laughing at home, alone, makes him think something's wrong and sends him into meowing fits.

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  12. Hah, i think i must have a clone of your cat.

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  13. and where do I find this "Oops, All Marshmallows" cereal?

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  14. I hate that stupid commercial!!! Yay Zelda! I want some Oops, all Marshmallows cereal. Lola will always live on in your heart and your blog.

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  15. My dog is the one who may have drunk antifreeze. My cat, Maxwell, was smart as a whip. He was about 17 when he went into a very slow renal failure. In his last few months, he started pissing outside his litter box—-on the floor, on the bathmat, on plastic bags, on clothing that didn’t quite make it to the hamper, and most notably on the kitchen table.

    One afternoon, we reached a new low. My smart dog, my stupid dog, my cat, and I were in a pile on the couch, as we are wont to be, a mélange of the limbs, heads, torsos, and tails of three species. Maxwell stood up, shimmied backward a little bit, and peed directly on my stupid dog’s face. My stupid dog only sort of noticed.

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  16. Oh, I forgot that I wanted to comment on your light reading drawing. Quite the posh gentleman, aren't you. Pip pip cheerio old chap.

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  17. Burst out laughing when your cat called you a pussy.

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  18. chest hair shot..... yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss....

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  19. Ha I love Lola! You think her box habit is weird? Check out "Cats fitting into smaller boxes"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XID_W4neJo

    Its the best!

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  20. Hilarious as always. You really can't blame her for loving laundry though. Warm laundry = one of the best things in life.

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  21. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard.

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  22. Brilliant, and yes that commercial is wacked. Wacked out.

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  23. STOP SPELLING KITTENS WITH AN "H".
    It's an insult to cats!
    rw

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  24. Lola sounds like a wicked nice cat.

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  25. Ugh, I just got food poisoning today... this cheered me SO up! : )

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  26. every story about cats is hilarious. as is your drawing of you sitting in your armchair reading your book when your cat makes a commotion in the backyard. quite the fashion statement.

    enjoyed =]

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  27. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  28. I really like the last panel when Lola's trying to get your attention. Brilliant, man.

    And yeah, what happened to the duck?

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  29. Lola is my little brother's name (affectionately i call him that).

    Lola's actions are reminiscent of his, funny enough, he too naps in the most awkward of places.

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  30. oh man, i don't think i've laughed so hard in a long time! you are a truly hilarious individual and every time i read your stuff i love you just a little bit more ^_^ also, lola is amazing. ~*~

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  31. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Sending you comic love from the UK :)

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  32. Admit it, you met my cat Pippilotta!

    I love Lola, give her my best, please - hugs from a comic lover in Germany!

    Nicole

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  33. Sorry Anonymous, but that Allie is nowhere near as talented or funny as Adam . . . no comparison.

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  34. Hi!
    I have enjoyed your posts so much, though this is definitely my favorite.

    I have 5 cats and I wish so badly to see what you would do with their personalities and physiques. haha

    Good job and thank you!
    love,
    not-a-crazy-cat-girl

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  35. Go Lola!!! She has proven herself as vicious hunter.

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  36. Allie clone...? What is that anon talking about. Adam is waaaaay better.

    Great post Adam. You never fail to amuse.

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  37. I want that feather hat...

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  38. @Anonymous I love Allie & Adam equally! Also The Oatmeal, and other bloggers who write in this cartoon style. It's a pretty popular blog genre right now. I say the more the merrier!

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  39. Oh my god! I have been saying the exact same thing about those commercials since they came out. I refuse to buy it just incase it DOES have Acid or whatever in it. My cats are bat-shit crazy as it is. They don't need the help.

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  40. Allie can't draw. I was too distracted by the poor art to read the story, so I really couldn't care about her. Adam rocks. I lol'd. I'm so glad you did more on Lola. My cat will do the same thing to me when I'm studying.

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  41. this cat song reminds me of you
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qit3ALTelOo

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  42. I love your illustration style. Very funny too.

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  43. Oh, good grief...this reminds me of a pet cockatiel I had that ate lead paint chips, and just......was not right........for lack of a better phrase.....afterwards! I loved that stupid, sweet bird!!! Your stories are always so great!!!

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  44. I think I just peed myself, I laughed so hard... Ahhhh, thank you for this, it made my day :D

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  45. The first blog of yours I read was of your cat Lola and since then I've been hooked. I love your cartoons and you always give me a little laugh.

    As a former cat owner whose cat died from ingesting anti-freeze, Lola always makes me laugh and think of my own cat.

    Even though she was never as eccentric as Lola, she did have a talent for popping up in front of computer screens and during video game battles and she never failed to do something random or borderline insane to keep me entertained :-)

    Thank you for the laughs and the kitty memories

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  46. I-I think I love you. a Zelda reference & an East of Eden reference? dear god.

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  47. Your last few posts have been better than Allie's. Glad I found this.

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  48. Haha sooooo true. Loved the monocle and pimp hat!

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  49. my cat would probably have a heart attack if a portal showed up in my kitchen

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  50. I love it when I Stumble this blog. It always cracks me up and I'd love to meet Lola. She sounds like my kind of kitteh!

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  51. My cats are exactly the same way. Except they were born that way.... lol

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  52. I love Lola. When I get a cat I hope it's one of those quirky ones like her. I loved her "high" look. But the poor duck!
    My cat walks across my keyboard and sends emails to people. I think she's a secret spy sending encoded messages.

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  53. There is nothing I want more in this life than for my friend's cat Mal to love me.

    I bet Lola would like me. We have the same name too...

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  54. I always love the Lola comics! Keep 'em coming!

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  55. Lola is awesome. Have a cat just like her. Adopted her when she was a bit older so I cannot confirm what concoction she slurped up to make her brain not work.

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  56. I really appreciate the way you write about your cat. It breaks my heart when I hear about the antifreeze, but she seems happy and that's all that matters. I had a cat from when I was 12 or 13. She had a nasty seizure and died a year ago. I'll never stop missing her.


    ...Thank you for this entertainment.

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  57. i tried to reenact for my boyfriend the picture you drew of lola after she smelled cat nip ... it didn't go very well.

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  58. This was awesome! That commercial is strange. Who's their market...cats who want adventure and might be channel surfing or sad cat owners who want to give their cat opportunities through mid-priced food brands?

    Side note: see if your cat goes crazy for strawberries. My cat does. I did a bit of research and found that they are related to catnip. I brought some strawberries home wrapped in cellophane and found my cat hardcore face-rubbing all up in those berries. Creepy. But maybe that would be a more appropriate high for Lola instead of full-on catnip.

    Thanks for sharing your work! I look forward to them!

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  59. This made my day! Pets are the best.

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  60. LOLA IS THE BEST.

    And that Friskies commercial was epic. :D Like... I want to buy a cat so I can give it Friskies. (Sounds like their marketing strategy worked!)

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  61. Omg I totally cried laughing at this. What a great mood booster :)

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  62. Thanks for making me smile! Lola is great, and reminds me of my kitty. :-)

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  63. Please make the cat in a cereal box panel a t-shirt, it's the funniest thing I've seen in a while :)

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  64. aww love it :) especially perfect as my cat HAS interrupted me playing zelda on DS and I've actually lost lives thanks to her (she always knows when I'm up against a boss)

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  65. Come on! Did you eat the duck or what!?

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  66. Hi! I popped over from kindofamess.com Love Lola's story. My cat also knows that I'm her bitch. It's my excuse for my sporadic blogging.It's hard to type with a cat on your computer.

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  67. I love it! I loughed until I cried! In a positive way! :D
    Greetings,
    Antara

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  68. I have a black cat named Lola who is a tad overweight and overtime I read this I crack up because it reminds me of her <3

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  69. Speaking of cats fitting into boxes...
    http://www.todaysbigthing.com/cute-animals/2010/11/12

    ;)

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  70. Oh man, this is a great cartoon! So funny, but so true too. I'm going to subscribe so I can see more funny things from your site. Thanks, it really made my day.

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  71. This makes me miss my 18 year old CRAZY KAT Seeko. He loved bags and Christmas paper. GRHS

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  72. Perhaps Lola and my cat are long lost siblings?
    Love it!
    And you can't go wrong with Zelda.

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  73. OMFG I could NOT stop laughing at the frames with Lola sticking her head around your DS and meowing. My cat does that ALL THE TIME when I'm trying to play important video games. Srsly I'm still loling.

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  74. You are so talented and this was such a sweet post. I miss my kitty cat *sigh*

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  75. Makes me miss my old cat. . I wasn't home enough to take care of her, so I gave her to my aunt.

    I could just lay her across my shoulders, and it didn't really matter what I was doing, she would just lay there and fall asleep.

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  76. We think our cat drank some anti-freeze as well, as a kitten. We found her near a car repair shop and quite quickly, we've found she's pretty strange. She chortles instead of meowing; she'll hiss at you instead of meowing (or hiss at nothing in particular), after which, she'll get this confused look on her face, as though she meant to say something else.

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  77. Lola should hook up with my wicked King James. Yeah, he really thinks all he sees belongs to him. I think him and lola would be a perfect snotty snit kitty couple

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  78. I have a cat just like Lola, brain damaged in all. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to deal with a cat sleeping in shoe boxes or dresser drawers and the like. Great story, thanks for sharing!!

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  79. I love, love, love your blog and your cat! this is some of the funniest stuff I've ever read! Please don't ever stop writing--in fact, write a book. I'd pre-order that shit!

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  80. This is so funny! I always knew that Friskies commerical had a cat tripping on catnip laced with some acid. Lol love the end part where the kitty is like "you're my bitch"

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  81. I can't quit looking at the pictures of Lola trying to nap in all the awkward spots. The one where she's in a cereal box looks like a square muffin with a furry, angry cat top.

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  82. Great post! I want to see a follow up to this topic

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  83. I really enjoyed this post. You write about this topic very well. There are many cherished moments in life, why not wear a beautiful dress! When looking back on special memories of your child wearing a gorgeous dress, it will make a fond memory.

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  84. This story made me laugh so hard I almost died. I love your Stupid Cat stories. More please!

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  85. So I stumbled across your blog via the lovely StumbleUpon and immediately fell in love. I proceeded to read every post in one sitting, laughing my ass off.

    THIS one, though... That cat commercial has confounded me from the first time I experienced it's psychedelicness and I was so excited to see it referred to here. I loved it.

    And I love your cat.

    And I freaking love your blog.

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  86. That was HILARIOUS. I'm so printing the last portion out for my boyfriend because that's literally what happens everytime he gets really into his Xbox. My cat never cuddles, but will literally crawl in his arms and lay out like a baby mewing for attention lol. Cats are so freakin funny - gotta luv em. Keep the humor coming!

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  87. love ur reading get up. and east of eden is ur light reading? dont wanna ask what u read for serious reading.

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  88. pimples are really annoying, you can kill them using benzoyl peroxide but it will also make your skin red.

    clomid

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  89. This blog is bookmarked! I really love the stuff you have put here.

    generic nolvadex

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  90. This is amazing! I love Lola! I cried from laughing!
    Seriously I love you :)

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  91. i thought you were roman dirge

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  92. hahaha my dog acts the same way. hes kinda slow too no anti freeze just kinda not all there. but he sleeps anywhere and then will do the whole ok i want be petted NOW act like your cat does. very funny man keep it up

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  93. First time reader here.. and I am hooked. this one had me laughing out load and the boss running over to make sure i was behaving.

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  94. I laughed so hard when I read this. You're absolutely hilarious, thanks for the laughs.

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  95. I always pick of East of Eden when I'm looking to do some light reading too :)

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  96. Lola is the only cat on the internet I give a shit about.

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  97. Lmao, your freaking hilarious! Good stuff.

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  98. p.s. Lola is my all-time favorite name. Good choice.

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  99. Hyperbole and a Half > this crap

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  100. I think my cat is related to yours...

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  101. I seriously laughed until I cried. This makes me miss my cat so much.

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  102. haha, the picture of the cat launching herself into the dryer almost killed me.. "what the what" .. <3 This is the best blog of life.

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  103. My cat is 11 and she is fat, black and retarded. She mentally damaged herself by running really hard into our kitchen walls as a kitten, but I just had to give her away and I am heart broken about it. I am living vicariously through you and your brain damaged cat. I kinda love it a lot.

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  104. Updated an entry at ICHC's AfterDark site to ask them to give you credit for your artwork; you might want to drop them a line also.

    Link to post with your comic: http://icanhascheezburgerafterdark.com/2011/08/27/funny-pictures-meow/

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  105. Yours is only an occasional column, but every time I come across it it never fails to delight me. Keep going!!!!

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  106. I love your stories about cats, especially Lola! I discovered your books via Stumbleupon, and they are easily in the top 5 funniest things on the net. Rock on, dude...rock on!!!! :D

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  107. The funny part, one of my cats absolutely loves Doritos. She begs me for them.

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  108. Ohmygod this reminded me of my brother's cat, Ada, who is almost always high on catnip (we always hide the toy and she ALWAYS FINDS THAT THING) and she just kinda zooms around tearing up the carpet with her little kitty claws.
    Couldnt stop laughing at the laundry part.

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  109. I'm sure you'll appreciate this:

    http://youtu.be/s13dLaTIHSg

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  110. I found a parody of the commercial: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2ccc6eaa33/friskies-cat-food-commercial

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  111. Love your Lola stories. Love your blog in general -- very quippy and quirky, my kinda guy. Your readers' comments are funny, too, esp. the guy whose cat peed on his stupid dog's head. In general cats are superior to us all (with the exception of those impaired by ingesting antifreeze, of course). I'll keep coming back for more fun.

    P.S. Put up just one tiny pic of yourself smiling, would ya?! I know you have all this mid-20's angst going on, but I can tell you're a fairly happy fella.

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  115. Nice art. Looks like the work of Roman Dirge. He does it alot better, though.

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